I am a lovesick gentleman

Who pines and pines over the smallest things

Most of them are truly inconsequential

They are inconsequential things

So I'll write you the longest letter

Describing my feelings and all these stupid things

I'll cross my fingers that your heart melts

And you look at me and tell me "Darling, where have you been?"

I am an uncool Canadian kid

Awed and inspired by all the popular guys

Most of them are truly irresponsible

They do irresponsible things

But I'm just a heartbroke gentleman

And gentlemen never seem to get gentle women

I need a small town girl

To follow me home and teach me how to be a real man

I am a gentleman

An oh so gentleman

A plain jane gentleman

A hold-the-door-for-you gentleman

A no good gentleman

A stupid, boring gentleman

A dumbstruck gentleman

A gentle, gentle, gentleman