Doctor, doctor, I need a cure

'Cause I got a problem that I can't endure

Too much of this and too little of that

First I was too thin and now I'm way too fat

There is something wrong with me

I've become my own enemy

My back hurts 'cause my bed's too hard

Some blow is stuck on my credit card

I feel sick when I play my PS2 and my game cube too

There is something wrong with me

I've become my own enemy

I've got welfare problems

And I can't get you out of my mind

Doctor, doctor, I need a cure

'Cause I got a problem that I can't endure

If I drink from Monday to Friday

Then I'm too tired to drink on Saturday

There is something wrong with me

I've become my own enemy

I've got welfare problems

And I can't get you out of my mind

Welfare problems

One for the money, two for the show

Took a piss outside and I ate the snow

I've got welfare problems

And I can't get you out of my mind