The dangerous kitchen

If it ain't one thing it's another

In the middle of the night when you get home

The bread things are all dry 'n' scratchy

The meat things

Where the cats ate through the paper

The can things with the sharp little edges

That can cut your fingers when you're not looking

The soft little things on the floor that you step on

They can all be DANGEROUS

Sometimes the milk can hurt you

(If you put it on your cereal

Before you smell the plastic container)

And the stuff in the strainer

Has a mind of its own

So be very careful

In the dangerous kitchen

When the night time has fallen,

And the roaches are crawlin'

In the kitchen of danger

You can feel like a stranger

The bananas are black

They got flies in the back

And also the chicken

In the dish with the foil

Where the cream is all clabbered

And the salad is frightful

Your return in the evening

Can be less than delightful

You must walk very careful

You must not lean against it

It can get on your clothing

It can follow you in

As you walk to the bedroom

And you take all your clothes off

While you're sleeping

It crawls off

It gets in your bed

It could get on your face then

It could eat your complexion

You could die from the danger

Of the dangerous kitchen

Who the fuck wants to clean it?

It's disgusting and dirty

The sponge on the drainer

Is stinky and squirty

If you squeeze it when you wipe up

What you get on your hands then

Could un-balance your glands and

Make you blind or whatever

In the dangerous kitchen

At my house tonight