L. Ron Hoover:
Welcome to the First Church of Appliantology! The WHITE ZONE is for loading and unloading only!
Don't you be Tarot-fied
It's just a token of my extreme
Don't you be Tarot-fied
It's just a token of my extreme
Don't you never try to look behind my eyes
You don't want to know what they have seen
Don't you never try to look behind my eyes
You don't want to know what they have seen
Joe:
Some people think
That if they go too far
They'll never get back
To where the rest of them are
I might be crazy
But there's one thing I know
You might be surprised
At what you find out when ya go!
Oh oh oh
Mystical Advisor
What is my problem, tell me
Can you see?
L. Ron Hoover:
Well, you have nothing to fear, my son!
You are a Latent Appliance Fetishist,
It appears to me!
Joe:
That all seems very, very strange
I never craved a toaster
Or a color T.V.
L. Ron Hoover:
A Latent Appliance Fetishist
Is a person who refuses to admit to his or herself
That sexual gratification can only be achieved
Through the use of MACHINES . . .
Get the picture?
Joe:
Are you telling me
I should come out of the closet now
Mr. Ron?
L. Ron Hoover:
No, my son!
You must go into
THE CLOSET
Joe:
What?
L. Ron Hoover:
And you will have
Joe:
Eh?
L. Ron Hoover:
Hey!
A lot of fun!
That's where they all live
So if you want an
Appliance to love you
You'll have to go in there
'N get you one
Joe:
Well . . . that seems simple enough . . .
L. Ron Hoover:
Yes, but if you want a really GOOD one,
You'll have to learn a foreign language . . .
Joe:
German, for instance?
L. Ron Hoover:
That's right . . .
A lot of really cute ones come from over there!
(Fifty bucks, please)
L. Ron Hoover:
If you been
Mod-O-fied,
It's an illusion, an yer in between
Don't you be
Tarot-fied,
It's just a lot of nothin',
So what can it mean?
If you been
Mod-O-fied,
It's an illusion, an yer in between
Don't you be
Tarot-fied,
It's just a lot of nothin',
So what can it mean?
If you been
Mod-O-fied,
It's an illusion, an yer in between . . .
Central Scrutinizer:
This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER . . . Joe has just learned to speak German. Now, get this, here's why he did it! He's gonna go to this club on the other side of town, it's called THE CLOSET . . . And they got these Appliances in there that really go for a guy dressed up like a housewife who can speak German (you know what I mean) . . . so Joe's learned how to speak German, he goes in this place and he sees these little Kitchen Machineries dancing around with each other, and he sees this one . . . that looks like it's a cross between an industrial vacuum cleaner and a chrome piggy bank with marital aids stuck all over its body . . . it's really exciting . . . and when he sees it, he BURSTS INTO SONG . . .