Announcer: I should like to introduce now the featured

artist of this evening's...ordeal. I'm sure that you

will all agree without any hesitation that Tom Lehrer

is the most brilliant creative genius that America has

produced in almost 200 years, so perhaps a few words of

biographical background might not be amiss. Endowed by

nature with perhaps the most glorious baritone voice to

be heard on an American stage since the memorable

concert debut in 1835 of Millard Fillmore; endowed also

with twelve incredibly agile fingers; Mr. Lehrer has

had a long and varied career in the field of

entertainment starting with nine years at Harvard

University...where it was that he first decided to

devote his life to what has since become a rather

successful scientific project - namely, the attempt to

prolong adolescence beyond all previous limits.

Even before he came to Harvard, however, he was well

known in academic circles for his masterly translation

into Latin of The Wizard of Oz*, which remains even

today the standard Latin version of that work. A few

years ago he was inducted...forcibly...into the United

States Army and spent most of his indenture in

Washington as sort of Army liaison to the Office of

Naval Contemplation. About his service record he is

justifiably... modest, but it is known that in a short

time he rose to the rank of brigadier general. However,

before he could acquire a tenure, he was discharged,

and owing to nepotism and intrigue, he emerged with

only the rank of Specialist 3rd Class, which was

roughly equivalent to the rank of Corporal without

Portfolio.

But to return to his career in show business: for

several years he toured vaudeville theaters with an act

consisting of impressions of people in the last throes

of various diseases. I'm sure that many of you here

tonight still recall with pleasure his memorable

diphtheria imitation. He is generally acknowledged to

be the dean of living American composers, and is

currently working on a musical comedy based on the life

of Adolph Hitler**. Without further ado - Tom Lehrer...

(The Announcer sits down at the piano, revealing

himself to be Tom)

You'd be amazed at the money we save that way.