I never contemplated from adolescence to a man

Why I'm so quiet, with little friends,

Could the reason be I'm whispering to spirits?

Apparitions inside my head.

I tried fighting off the demons

Until the showed me what I needed,

Conjuring emotions and violent solutions.

I let them burrow deeper and possess a part of me.

Now I am one with the damned!

They're fucking tempting me!

The tension keeps rising!

Tell me it's alright to make wreckless decisions,

Assert my vengeance!

I want to force them to feel what it's like to be

Still covered in the scars of past oppressors.

Fortunately, I healed faster indulging in grief.

Still, I'll never forgive what was done to me!

My escape is empty highways.

A simple pen serves well as my weapon,

After being held captive,

slightly considering death,

Once one thing I loved was robbed from me.

Slicing a knife through the wrist

Was the first and final attempt.

Leaving behind the mental abuse and emotional stress,

I'm harmed, buf finally free.

When I think about it I don't need help.

I just inflicted scars to watch myself bleed.

Maybe to realize how damaged I am internally.

No longer suppressing memories,

The past had to be released!

I'm not miserable now.

Still you couldn't handle what transpires within my dreams.

Incessant rambling, Horrific crime scenes.

If there was a god, he's punishing me.

For years of defiance and blasphemy.

Where was my calm before or after the storm?

Even when I reach R.E.M. my mind is still at war.