I've never been able

To stand on a table

Without using both of my feet

I've always resisted

The choice that was listed

Whenever I sat down to eat

Now don't think me rude

But that dress is so low cut

Your navel is sticking out

And not that I'm curious

But seeing how low yours is

I wonder where mine is about

I read in the newspapers only today

That tomorrow's will be even better

Liquid detergent is now guaranteed

To absorb all the dirt from your sweater

Or so they say

We once had a neighbor

Who came from Jamaica

(No, she came of her own accord)

Who talked with an accent

Like that of a Dachshund

Whose cousin the Queen had adored

Oh how would you like it

If I was invited

To Lords on the first day of play

I'm no Gary Sobers

But I can bowl overs

In quite an unorthodox way

Now cricket's a game that can baffle us all

It's the silly mid-on that gets me

Silly or not, it's enthralling to watch

Only maidens of course disagree

Or so they say

Life is so often a dullish affair

It's no wonder that crime has increased

What does it matter, if there's no hereafter

We're here after all just to breathe

Or so they say

And as I finish playing

This is my way of saying

"The End"